Bigfoot Attacks!

I’m watching the Hulu documentary Sasquatch right now, which so far has been pretty interesting, and got me thinking how many times has Sasquatch or Bigfoot been the named suspect or unwilling catalyst of a crime? Anywhere from he stole my homework to major crime he’s made a fairly good suspect for the “prove I’m lying” theory.

In the Hulu documentary he is blamed for savage murders in the Squatch and pot farm capital of the US. But, what other types of incidents has his name been dragged through the mud on? I found this gem digging around this morning.

According to NewsOn6.com in Oregon, Rogers County Sheriff’s deputies arrived at the scene of a shooting to learn the suspected shooter and the shootee had been on a Sasquatch hunt when one man heard a “barking noise,” which frightened him – as one might expect when one is hunting large, hairy, mythical creatures in the dead of night – which caused him to jerk and shoot his friend in the back.

This guy is using the new “Sasquatch scared the shit out of me” defense. It’s actually a pretty good plan, an accident, it was an just an “accident”. Everyone has that one friend you want to go “hunting” with, right? If you’re a Bigfoot researcher you could totally use this excuse. I mean no one will ever go Bigfooting with you again, but now you don’t have to have that awkward “I don’t want to be your friend anymore” speech.

Here’s another interesting tale…

“The witness who talked to the missing man and child, went on to state that Fullmer told her he was “tripping out all night and could hear things but didn’t know what they were”; Fullmer also told her “Bigfoot had waved at them and bears paraded for [the 5-year-old boy] to keep him calm,” deputies said.

Fullmer told the witness that “they slept under a skidsteer,” and that when Fullmer and the boy were leaving the woods, he had the boy shake a tree (like Bigfoot) so they could be found, according to the complaint. The man was charged with child endangerment”

Although Bigfoot wasn’t charged with anything here, and may have actually been a hero. Dancing and prancing to Bare Necessities so the boy wouldn’t be scared, and most likely the one teaching an invaluable skill of tree shaking, he still got his hairy ass involved, however indirectly with a crime.

He’s such an easy fall guy, he makes himself a perfect target, first with that whole “Green Wall” bullshit, never ratting out another Bigfoot, or coming forward as a witness to probably hundreds of murders out there in the forest. His hiding out from us, leaves him vulnerable, and we can blame him for whatever we want.

I hope wherever he is, he can peek in a window and watch Hulu and other docs about him and maybe decide to come forward to set the story straight for all of it. Till then…

“I’m sorry officer, I know I was going a hundred, but I was trying to get away, did you see the huge ass ape thingy chasing me!’

It’s going to work too, he can’t prove it wasn’t there. 😉

Enjoy your day everyone….