In between having to hide from you silly humans this season . I took a moment to think about what my resolutions would be for this New Year. This is just a few of the things I came up with:
- Continue to leave silly structures around to make you wonder about. An arch here, a bend there. Did I make them, did one of you make them? Who knows😊
- Take a long hot bath. I’m tired of hearing references to my smell. I smell you too you know, it’s not as awesome as you think it is.
- Leave real footprints around, come on people, only finding one somewhere? Do you think I’m hoping around the forest?
- Lose weight. I think one article said I must be 1200 pounds. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it does not sound good.( Maybe you should leave a scale instead of the peanut butter).
- Get in better shape. Seriously, it takes a lot of energy moving that fast so you can’t get a clear picture, do you know how fast you have to go to reach blurry? And dancing around those game cams. Forget about it.
- Start drinking more lemon juice. All that howling and whooping makes me lose my voice.
- Become a bear whisperer. I’m completely over being bit and scratched just to gather some hair samples to confuse all of you. You should appreciate how much effort I use to mess with you.
- Get some music lessons. If your knocking is supposed to be a mimic of mine? Then we both suck and you need them too. Just throwing it out there.
- Put out an information brochure to ease your women’s fears. News flash, aliens don’t probe and we don’t want your women. What the hell man? Really? What the hell?
And finally, I appreciate how hard you work to find me as much as I work so you don’t. Let’s both make one of our resolutions to be upping our game. And may the best man/beast win.