As some of you might know, Halloween for me really is a treat. It’s the one night of the year I can walk right down Main Street and no one even bats an eye, if anything they think I’m real cool. I mean, I am cool, but this is the night everyone knows and shows it.
I must have passed at least 10 of me on my way here. I think one might have been a lady, I think.
(That one messed me up a bit, mixed signals and all…phew, is it hot in here or is it just me?)
Anyway, I sat on a bench with a few of my friends for a bit and just took in all the human rituals and man, it made me happy that Homo Sapiens went one way and we went another, because except for the candy part, you couldn’t bag enough deer to make me want a piece of this.
At first it was kind of cute, I could see the whole Cindy Loo Who effect happening on the Grinch, little ones were running to me, actually running to me! I grunted and growled a little for them and they ran off giggling away. Even the ladies were giving me the eye. No suit here baby! I worked hard for this physique and fur!
But as it got darker and the children got older, it all went down hill from there. There were screaming and crying children because they wanted more candy than one piece. A few parents yelling to the their children that trick or treat was over for them. I saw a few houses lit up with all the fake monsters everywhere. Seriously, the fake ones? I’m mean I’m right here people! And I’m taller than that fake Frankenstein’s Monster you’re admiring over there. (Did you see what I did there? Frankenstein’s Monster get it right everyone) The scariest monsters you’ll ever see are real and waiting for you in the forest…if you dare. Have you seen pictures of my best friend the Dogman? He’s pretty scary with those claws and teeth, and the Goatman? He scares me man, I mean like nightmares scares me, those eyes, I can’t even look at him.
You don’t need to spend money on a Haunted House, just grab a flashlight and come on in.
Later on the older children were running up to me, but now all I heard was, “what are you trying to be? Biiiiigfooot.” I’m not trying to be anything, and the next time those punks are in the woods we will see who’s real and who’s not and who screams and who doesn’t, record this butthead!
All in all it was interesting to observe your society and learn about your culture and traditions. It’s also good to get the hell out of here too. Don’t get me wrong Homo Sapiens have their place on this planet too, but if I had the opportunity to give you advice without risking becoming the next lab rat you swear you didn’t test that mascara on, I would tell you to slow down. Enjoy your life. Get more nature in your day, just don’t do in my woods, except those punks…I want to see them again.
Have a fun and safe Halloween everyone…send me some adorable pictures to share at: