Halloween Ends…Thank F***

I’m not sure, but I think I just watched Mike Myers get bullied and then have his mask stolen from him? That’s not my Mike Myers. The monster, the shape, that’s terrified me since I was child. In fact he scared me so much that I ran from someone dressed as him in Salem Massachusetts on Halloween, and then again at Spooky World. An employee dressed as him, (and I checked there was just the one) literally tried to pull me off a haunted hay ride in the middle of the woods, he grabbed my feet and I had to kick him off me, and he kept stalking me everywhere. I had to gave him a light shove later on because he was all over me and in a young teen voice he said, “hey, you’re not supposed to touch us!” This boy was the equivalent of the Mike Myers I just watched.

Now, I’m not going to say every Halloween movie was good, there were two that I really didn’t watch again often. But this is different, Halloween Ends should end with an interesting plot and at least a fairly decent script and an ending even better then H20.. I even let go of some of the questions I had like, “what about the son she had in H20?” H20 by the way was a great movie, with a great glorious ending it deserved because you saw the head roll around at the end and went right into the great some “What’s This Life For” by Creed. It should have been the ending. But if you’re going to “end” it again then Halloween Ends was a horrible swan song and discredit to this franchise.

In this supposed last movie Jamie Lee Curtis returns again. And first off, can I just say how beautiful she is. She unlike so many other older actresses is choosing to age gracefully and should be proud to show off every wrinkle. She carried this franchise on her back for over 40 years! Jamie, I love you. But unfortunately you can actually feel her exhaustion and lack of fire for doing this movie. I think her intention was really to be done after H20. I’m sure the pay day was probably huge, and she knows the fans wants her there, but was it really worth it for her to be in these two big stinkers? (I’m including Halloween Kills here).

I feel like both these two movies from the franchise are trying to sneak in a commentary about the state of the world today, Believe me, I don’t like ALL of our behavior either, but that’s why I’m watching movies like this to escape it . And I couldn’t.

I want to see Mike slashing his way through the town of Haddenfield. I want to see the Mike that influenced movie makers and started a whole new genre. This Mike, who is probably only in the movie a total of 10 minutes , was a mess. As I referenced above, he was beat up and got HIS Halloween mask stolen. Just like little Tommy who was bullied and fell on his pumpkin and mushed it. I’m sure some of my friends will try to defend it and attribute some deeper meaning to it all that I obviously didn’t get. But this is Halloween, not 2001, A Space Odyssey, (which still makes no sense at the end)! I don’t want deeper meanings and feelings, I want the Mike I know and love to slash his way to his sister and then die in the most glorious way that we’ll be talking about it for decades to come.

So, In closing, so I don’t give away all the spoilers, I’m recommending this movie for fans of the franchise to just watch it and get it over with, so it’s not dangling in horror movie limbo somewhere in your mind, but don’t expect to be to impressed by it, and if you are please comment below, I want to know what about it you enjoyed. And don’t pay 19.99 get a Peacock premium account at 4.99 for the month instead and then at least you can watch some other good horror movies…

And to the everyone who put this movie together? Don’t come back till Mike has his inner bitch back. And is ready to slash.