Today I want to tell you a story of heartbreak and loss, and the capacity for the heart to love again. This post is dedicated to Maggie my beagle. You will always be my baby.
15 years ago I finally got my first doggo. She was the size of my hand, a rescue from from a farm in Vermont, my first thought was that she was the cutest thing I had ever laid eyes on. So tiny and all ears!
We never separated except for work and special outings. She went everywhere with me, if my dog wasn’t invited there was a chance I wasn’t coming. She was my baby and I wasn’t leaving her behind. There was nothing she didn’t roll with.
She loved everyone, except my best friend, but to be fair the family cat never liked him either. She loved my parents, she would follow my mother all over her house. My dad would walk her all over the neighborhood. She worshiped him. They always had doggie treats at the ready and completely spoiled her.
Then a couple years ago I lost both my mom and dad to the silent killer, septicemia. It was just Mags and me now. We went through everything together, laughter, tears. But Maggie was always there loving me up and keeping me going.
When she passed two years this week. My thought was I’m never ever going through this again. Never. You have to understand I was in the room for both my parents and my dogs very last breath. That will change a person. It changed me. I was done I just wanted to hide in the woods everyday and hide from life.
But then something magical happened, I was scrolling through IG watching all my animal videos and I saw a picture of this one little guy and something inside me warmed and I knew this dog may need me as much as I didn’t realize I needed him.
This is the original picture from his post. He was at a wonderful dog rescue called Vintage Pet that rescues elderly and disabled dogs in Rhode Island. His name was listed as Howard because he found abandoned, half starved and blind in a field called Howard Field.
He must have weights 3 pounds soaking wet and was in desperate need of love and I was needing to give some. I went over to meet Howard who was getting around great despite his has lack of vision. I scooped him up and knew we were going on wonderful adventures together. I brought him home and tried to help him best map out his new environment while simultaneously giving lots of kisses.
Our adventures ran into a snag when I realized Howard was terrified of the car. He cries and cries when he’s in it. Motion sickness? Fear of being abandoned again? There is no way to ever know how he got to that field or how abused he may have been before. The not knowing is sometimes worse than the knowing. I can only keep trying to power through this phase together with love and trust. I want Howard to enjoy every second of his life. He loves going for walks when we get where we are going so as long as he enjoys it, I’ll keep trying.
I can tell he’s never played with toys and he was afraid to give kisses. Crying a little while doing both maybe unsure he’s allowed too. It’s heartbreaking. But we have each other now and it’s all about learning what he likes and helping him with the things he is unsure of.
Awhile ago you couldn’t get me to have another pet but the heart just needs time to heal, it can always love again. This of course doesn’t just apply to animals. Your heart will eventually heal from its hurts, it’s okay if it changes you, or if you need a change too. Never say never, because there is a lot of dogs out there that need loving homes. Need you, and like me maybe you need them too.
If you’re thinking about adopting or donating to a charity that cares for last chance pups of the world I’m recommending Vintage Pet for all there hard work, love and dedication.
You can find them at: